album review: Spleen and Ideal

One week from November. My thoughts are restless and I am torn from minute to minute on a specific subject of focus. Each thought my mind settles on feels drastically important. I think about the "Haunted History of Halloween" DVD that I'd been Netflixing for the past couple years and decided to buy on eBay. Something about the fantastic past of my favorite time of year sinks deeper and deeper in my understanding as I get older. Before Capitalism and Catholicism, the Autumn was a time of reflecting on the Summer behind and the Winter ahead. On revering the dead and being thankful for life. I've noticed recently how growth encapsulates an understanding of the past, present and future all at once. Autumn, then, seems the ideal time for growth. Just as I take comfort in how the resonation of knowledge echoes louder within me, I am grateful to feel that appreciation. Sometimes I feel full of mistakes; and other times, full of life. Whichever to focus on?

I think about the impending nights of celebration for Halloween. I think of seasonal traditions and flavorings - intended to wrangle our attention on the unavoidable shift of seasons. On a rainy Tuesday, alone for the time, at work but unburdened, I sit beside a space heater in an overly airconditioned office. The Wikipedia page of a movie I'd recently watched linked me to the band Dead Can Dance, who I'd never heard before. Their name seemed appropriate for the time of year, and with the aid of YouTube I've filled this tiny room with the anguished cries of Spleen and Ideal. Their sound is esoteric. The kind I can't imagine so many YouTubers enjoying as the numerous likes and comments would lead me to believe. I like to remind myself: different strokes for different folks.

I'm doing this the difficult way - searching for each track after the previous one finishes. I don't feel an impulse to rush out an own a copy for myself, or even download a pirated version. The brief internet search is more than enough effort, and this is far from a new favorite album of mine. That's not to say I can't appreciate it for art. Here and there a passage will catch my ear but, even as I listen, the album is now more about a memory. A slight inspiration for some creative writing, it'll even coax me into admitting that I've missed my frequent musings on this website. Oh, the distractions we're capable of diverting to! Will I ever settle calmly into a routine of reprised elements: favorite pastimes and activities that would nestle me further into the seat of my own personality? I don't believe so. Scavenging for sanity in a world that seems bent on driving me out of my mind; that struggle may be the "Enigma of the Absolute" (as the title of track six tells me.) Though I could feel certain of something, might that be the evolving puzzle of life? Far be it from me to denounce the conventions of reprised celebrations. Instead, I look at traditions through the lens of ages. Religion and economy have shaped Halloween into what it is, and I will adapt my own personal holiday.