on letting go

"I let go and I float away
a million miles in a couple days
I just came back here to say:
goodbye"

-"Hot Shit" by Quasi

Letting go can seem contradictory in that it requires relinquishing some choices while embracing others. It is not an increased exertion of effort, it is simply a shift. One that displays inertia. Think of letting go as a boulder: towering stoically above you or catapulting wildly down a mountainside.

Letting go does not mean giving up, giving in, giving back, or any unwanted concession. It can mean those things. Don't ask me. I cannot tell you what letting go means for you. I can say that letting go is choosing. Letting go is choosing the gut feeling, listening to the voice at the back of your head, and going with your instincts. Letting go is finding the path to happiness. Letting go is as hard as you let it be.

Letting go means freeing yourself from obligations to anyone but yourself. You don't have any. And as you have no obligations to anyone else, no one has any obligations to you. A desire, maybe, but not an obligation. When you have no obligations to anyone else, you are stuck doing things for yourself. Reading that book that's been sitting on your shelf. Writing that short story that's been in your head. Putting together that Christmas present you got last year. Telling someone how you really feel rather than what you think they'd like to hear. By forgiving ourselves obligations to others, we can begin to give genuinely and selflessly.

Letting go means believing that you have the answer. It also means humbly admitting that you have been wrong before (and can always be wrong again.) You were wrong thinking that happiness lies in the next _____________. That any temporary solution has the potential to become permanent. That patience is the same thing as sacrifice. That you aren't capable of defining your own feelings. Were you wanting someone else to do that for you?

Letting go means knowing that you control your own happiness. Happiness is an answer on a multiple choice test written on the inside of your brain. If you're far enough away, it can be tough to make out which answer is which. Up close, it's a no-brainer.